Poking holes is important

Today, I attempted my first pie. I chose apple because well, apples are in season. A woman on Twitter sent me a link from Williams-Sonoma’s website for an apple pie recipe. It didn’t appear to be terribly difficult despite the fact that there would be dough that needed to be rolled out. I don’t have the best track record with rolling out dough. It frustrates me.

Everything was going rather well. I had the apples cut up and sitting happily in a the brown sugar, flour, lemon juice, and vanilla extract while I carefully rolled out the dough. The bottom crust took two tries to roll out while I whispered every prayer I had ever learned at church, school, and of course tv. Although I do think at one moment I was reciting lines from the Exorcist.

Apple Pie

Apple Pie

With the reverence usually shown to religious items or historical artifacts, I carefully laid out the top layer of dough. The recipe recommend “mounding the fruit slightly”. I arranged the apple slices in a pyramid that defied gravity and in a moment of sheer creativity decided to use the fork tongs to carefully poke holes in the shape of an “A”. After poking the “A” that stood for Aleta and Andy, I placed the pie in the oven and set the timer for one hour.

I patiently waited to be assaulted by the scents of homemade apple pie that so many cookbooks promised. Slowly but surely, I began to first smell the butter in the crust, and then began recognizing the tart smell of the Granny Smith apples I had used. Eventually it was a subtle but beautiful medley of fruit, butter, and spices. I cleaned up the kitchen happy and proud of my efforts. I even began making dinner.

Then it happened. I smelled something that smelled like burning. I threw open the oven door and was instantly overcome by the smoke that was pouring out. I staggered back a few steps horrified by what I saw but as the smoke cleared, I realized the actual pie wasn’t burning. It was dripping. Dripping right on the heating rod in the oven. That was the cause of the smoke. I grabbed a pan and put it under the pie but the damage had all ready been done. I ran around the house opening doors and windows to prevent the smoke alarm from going off.

The smoke cleared and Andy and I finally ate dinner. After the pie had been cooling for approximately 45 minutes, I felt as though it would now be safe to tap into the beast. The apples that had been stacked into a pyramid had caused the crust to bubble and peak at odd areas. As I cut into the pie I was happy to note that it was flaky and the apples were fragrant. I pulled out the first piece and was greeted by a site I had never seen. The inside of the crust resembled a cave. The apples lay at the bottom of the pan while the crust rose above in an alien-like display. I could almost see figures usually found in a Philip K. Dick novel, partying in the back of my pie. Drinking, dancing ,and singing merry songs while they mocked my inability to poke effective holes.

All done

All done


Why doesn’t Glade offer a candle with a scent that your family and friends will actually believe? I call it: burning food. Andy thinks that one of the scents in the “Blame” category should be “Cat Box scent.” Andy’s mentioning a few other ones that I’ll leave out of this post. But he was on a roll so I will mention the “What’s that Smell in the Refrigerator” and “Wet Dog”.

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2 responses to “Poking holes is important

  1. I admire you for just diving in there. pie crust takes some finesse and practice — don’t give up yet! Did it taste good at least? how can you go wrong with apples, butter, and spices…mmmm….
    I’m happy to share some of my crust “secrets” if you want sometime 🙂

  2. Pie is my favorite! I’m coming over right now to lick the drippings 🙂 Mmmm, Mmmm Good!

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