Several posts ago, I admitted that I want to be a writer. When I was little, I loved to read and thought the most awesome thing in the world was to 1) have a horse (what is it with little girls and horses?) and 2) be a writer.
As I grew older people kept telling me I’d never make a living doing it. At first I didn’t know or care what ‘making a living’ actually meant. But as I grew older I realized that making a living was VERY important. It almost seemed like your life’s work was to MAKE A LIVING. I didn’t stop reading but I did stop carrying little notebooks around with me that I used to write crazy girl things in. (I once wrote a really long story about Jordan Knight from the New Kids on the Block. It was what you might consider Fan Fiction)
Now as I gotten older, I hear this whisper in the back of my head that says the craziest things to me. Like ‘you could write a better story than that’ or ‘you don’t need a lot of money to survive.’ Sometimes it gets really aggressive and purrs in my ear ‘just look at that guy! He’s begging for something to be written about him’ and once in awhile ‘wouldn’t it be great to work on stuff you wanted to do?’ But it’s been difficult to suddenly sit down after all these years and write.
After a couple of beers and many hours of staring at blank paper, I realized that it took me awhile to get where I’m at in my career/job space (whatever you want to call it). I mean I went to college for years and have really worked on learning about marketing, developing relationships, new uses for technology, etc.
So it’s going to take me a bit of time to figure writing out. I’ve checked out some books from the library about the fundamentals of writing. (Coach Rita Baca, my middle school basketball and volleyball coach said its all about the fundamentals!) I also looked into writing horror and have enlisted the help of the wonderful staff of the Multnomah County Library. I am also actively seeking out writer groups and any free help I can get.
And yes, part of me is a little freaked out and wants to quit. You know that feeling you get that maybe you won’t be any good. But then I think that I’ll never really know if I can be any good as a writer if I don’t try. Most things I have accomplished in my life were really hard like graduating from college. So that means that I REALLY have to work at this. And try.