So I got the phone call today. Unfortunately I was at work. The representative from Portland State University informed me that no I was not accepted to the MBA program due to my low GMAT score. If I said I was surprised that would be lying.
The first time I took the GMAT, I deserved the low score. I didn’t study enough and pretty much didn’t take it seriously. But the second time, I dedicated time at least five days a week to study. I would either wake up early and study, study at lunch, or at night. I made myself a notebook of math and grammar cheat-sheets. I still remember the formula for the distance between points. While I was taking the GMAT the second time, I felt pretty good about the test. Until I got the preliminary results. Then I felt like crap. After all of that studying, I got the same score. Really? I mean REALLY????
And the money. $500 that I could have used for something else. I could have given myself 500 paper cuts which would have been less painful than all the studying. Or bought a large hammer to smash my head repeatedly…After I got my preliminary score, I tried to fool myself and say that yeah they will accept me. As if pity will gain you acceptance into a graduate degree program. Obviously I have debunked that.
So now I doing the whole internal soul searching thing…what do I want? Why do I want it? How else can I get it?
The thing is I wanted the MBA for personal and professional reasons. Not just to be better than my little brother. Because God knows I will never make the kind of money he does. At least I can be better educated with more student debt. Cause that equals out, right? I thought obtaining an MBA would allow me to be eligible for promotions and obtain a better job.
I love Digital Marketing. There are so many things I want to learn: SEM, PPC, website analytics (beyond Google Analytics). But breaking into a job that would allow me to do this requires experience. How do I gain said experience. Then there are those no-sayers (like Penelope Truck) who poo poo an MBA. So I started looking at taking classes through PSU’s Development Center. Most of the classes I want to take are during the day. You know when I’m working…
So Plan B is slowly being flushed out. I have a few months to decide if I want to try and take the GMAT again, apply to a school that doesn’t require it, or shelve the idea for now.
Yesterday after running the half marathon, I went back to the hotel, took a shower, and checked out. I went to Subway and had my favorite sandwich, chicken breast on wheat. Then I drove the 3 hours home. Actually it didn’t take me quite 3 hours. I was hot, tired, and thirsty so I was pretty motivated to risk a speeding ticket.
I have chafe marks under both arms and on my abdomen from where my sports bra rubbed. I’ve been battling chafe for sometime now and thought I had it all figured out. I’m not sure if I didn’t use enough triple antibiotic ointment on my chafe prone areas or what. But I have the worst case of chafe I’ve ever had. And the heat makes me sweat which makes the chafe burn. And then there is the boil on my thigh. But no one wants to hear about that.
I spent the majority of the yesterday afternoon hydrating myself and resting. Okay and complaining about the heat, chafe, etc. Today the chafe looks much better but I’m sore. My shoulders, back, and calves are sore. I think that during the hilly part of the course I hunched over rather than remaining upright which would lead to the soreness in my shoulders and back and of course the chafe on my abdomen.
I’m resting today and probably tomorrow. I’m still contemplating the sprint triathlon at the end of July. I have a lot of competing priorities right now including retaking the GMAT. My first attempt was terrible partly due to my test anxiety and my lack of preparedness. I’m rescheduled to take it again in August. I’m also rethinking my training plan for the Portland Marathon based on my performance at the half marathon. I need to start increasing the length and speed of my runs. I think I could also benefit from dropping some weight.
Resting for me gives me a lot of time to think and evaluate where I am at in attaining my goals. Sometimes I think that’s not always the best thing as I’m very critical of myself. I know I need to ease up on myself at times. I know am very capable of doing great things and don’t want to sell myself short by not shooting for the stars. But the journey to the stars is exhausting at times.
As most of you know, I am a very determined individual. When I put my mind to completing a task or hitting a goal, I will move Heaven and Earth to make that happen. I will sacrifice sleep, ignore other things around me, and usually be a difficult person to get along with when the finish line is within sight. My temper is short and patience slim. I tend to snap at the people around me and often have a difficult time sleeping which makes things not so pleasant.
I’m there now. I take my GMAT on Saturday and have submitted all of my 10 billion applications and other pieces of paperwork to PSU to gain admission into their MBA program. Work has been stressful as many of my coworkers have been on vacation and I’ve covered some of their work too. I’m trying to finish up one part of a side project, train for the marathon and other races, maintain a shoe-string budget, keep up on other household duties, etc. And to top it all off, my eye doctor has spotted an abnormality in my right eye and is sending me to a specialist for more tests. So as I sit here typing this post out, I am tired, irritable and need more than a nap to recover.
I apologize for my short temper and irritability. I apologize mostly to Andy who bears the brunt of my charm. I’m taking a few days off from work after the GMAT. I plan to sleep.
So in the meantime, I’m not ignoring you. I just can’t put anything more on my plate to deal with. Love you all.